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Searching for Love

Remember your first boyfriend? Not just the boy who chased you around the playground and your mom who constantly reminded you that he’s not your boyfriend, he’s just a friend of yours that happens to be a boy. Because what 8-year-old could have a real boyfriend, right?

No, I’m talking about your first real boyfriend, maybe it was high school, maybe it was college, regardless, close your eyes and soak in those memories for just a minute… the butterflies, the nerves you got when he first held your hand, or how your lips felt numb as you waited for him to first kiss you. Do you remember? All those feels and flutters mustered together could make us queasy all over again. Or not, depending on how who your first real relationship was with, maybe the bad outweighed the good, which is why you didn’t end up with him the first place. I’m just talking about the good times though, all those “firsts” of dating and being in a relationship. Those good memories that made it all worth it. When dating just to date was easy, it was fun, there wasn’t much stress or pressure on the relationship, because you were young. It was okay to take things slow and get to know one another.

Now let’s shift gears, dating in our 20’s. Sure in those first few years dating to date still works. You have a lot of figuring out to do with yourself and deciding your “type”. It all starts with what do you find attractive? Short guys or tall guys or do you like brunettes or blondes? Then you get a little deeper into their characteristics, they must like dogs, are they smart, are they funny, etc. Then we start taking things a step further like are they a Christian or Catholic, what are their beliefs, which way does their moral compass point, do they want to get married, are the open to having children? Scary how our concerns can change so quickly. We go from wanting to make sure they like butter on their popcorn to what if they only want one kid and I want three, can we compromise?

At what point does it all start to be “a little more serious” the relationships you are in are no long “puppy love” or “just seeing what you like” they are real. They have the potential to be lasting, like as in a marriage, kids, and growing old together. 20 seems too young to possibly be ready for that move, but some are! People like to say “when you know you know right?” I am here to tell you, I was not a “when you know you know” person. I was the opposite, I questioned everything. I had the cute puppy dog love high school relationship. Then I had the few in between flings of testing my taste, who am I, what do I want, what do I like. I could have done without a few of those flings, however, it brought me to my husband. And during our 4-year dating relationship I questioned so many parts of it before I came to the conclusion, please be mine forever. I was scared, I often thought I was too young to know. I married at 25 by the way, and began dating my husband at 21 (during those on again off again moments) it scared the pants off me that he could be the one. So I often ran away, did something to piss him off so he would run away. Doesn’t make much sense to fight “true love” right? But that was the immaturity in me. It took me longer than others to get to the point that I was ready for my ever after, but I got there. I am beyond blessed to have a man that stayed by my side during my 20 questions. I guess you could say he was more mature than me during this time because he knew he loved me and I was the one he wanted to be with. It amazes me that in our 20’s we can make these life-changing decisions like marriage. In just a few short years you can meet a guy in your 20’s and also marry him also in your 20’s. What a decade!

Happy Valentines Day Love Birds!

Episode 15: Life is Never How You Plan it with Leann Podskalan

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I think there are many of us who in our young naive years had expected we would grow up, get our dream jobs, marry the person of our dreams, and start having babies. All of course by the age of 22 or so. Much like myself, Leann had expected life to go in the direction she had planned. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic, and Leann learned quickly that life isn’t always perfect or fair. From her career changes and adjustments that ultimately brought her to and through nursing school to living in a different state than her husband. It’s clear to say she’s learned how to alter plans and keep moving forward. Listen as she shares her journey through different jobs, nursing school, and as she opens up about the challenges of living in a different state than her husband. How they made it through that challenging time.  Leann is a joy to be around and I am blessed to have a friend like her. Hope you all enjoy!

Episode 14: Sororities, Law School, & the Feeling of “Always a Bridesmaid” with Emily Sexton

sexton.jpgEmily Sexton is one of the biggest “go-getters” I know. Her determination and hard work got her through the University of Michigan, where she mastered being the president of her sorority and making long lasting friendship, to pushing outside her comfort zone and moving to Florida by herself. She always knew she would make her way back to school after her undergrad, which is where she began the long road of law school after another move. It wasn’t easy and through the stress, she watched as many of her friends got engaged and married and some even starting families. That feeling of being “behind” is hard to ignore, but ultimately she took the path that was right for her. Now it’s time for the Bar exam and time to plan her own wedding. We all need to send her good vides over the next couple of weeks! Hope you all enjoy today’s episode.

Episode 13: Refresh with Me

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Hey Guys! Just me for today’s episode. I wanted to do a quick follow up for several weeks without a podcast episode. It’s safe to say life got busy, as it does for everyone. I apologize for not getting something to you sooner, but Living Twentyish is still here and the episodes are still recording! Some days it’s just hard to stay focused, it’s hard to find the motivation, and it’s hard to make the extra time. However, in the end, this has been my desire and deepest passion and I refuse to let excuses or lack of motivation at times get in my way of pressing on. So thank you for the support, thank you to those who have reached out with encouraging words. This week we are calling it a refresh as I get myself back on track.

Social Media Strikes Again

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I bet you saw this title and thought to yourself… again? I’m sorry to be repetitive, but social media is a big part of our lives. I am not joking when I say I spend hours on it almost every day. Maybe not a full hour consistently, but adding up every 5-10 minutes I open up Instagram and just scroll and decide to stalk a celebrity that randomly popped into my head and search thru their entire page till I’m back to 2013 and they weren’t even famous. I can be honest, every time I do this and get mindlessly lost in the app I finally close it and feel guilty. Guilt rushes over me because I think about the time I just wasted when I could have been working, cleaning the house, spending time with my daughter who is currently pulling all of the tissues out of the box because I wasn’t paying attention… shake my head.

Why do we do this?

We follow pages of beautiful women, who in turn, their page will inspire us to go on a diet or work out more than once a month. I know how much we all love paying Planet Fitness their $10 a month, but never actually go there or if we do we spend 10 minutes on the treadmill and go tan. Guilty, again.

Or how about those “Travel accounts” that encourage us to leave all your responsibilities behind and seek adventure and new places. Because it’s super realistic for us to not work and travel the world right?

We get skewed messages from these “insta models” trust me, behind the scenes they have their unpleasant moments, their bank accounts have seen better days. I’m sure they’ve had a zit here and there, or stretch marks that they won’t show us. But again, I am guilty as well, I’m not going to post an ugly picture of myself, or a picture that clearly shows my belly hanging over my jeans, because guess what!? I already know I could do a few more sit-ups now and then… but I don’t need YOU to know that too!

Now what if we were all honest about our lives though? You know how good it feels to talk to a friend who I thought had to all together judging off their social media post. But then talking to them in person, they share the struggles they are going through, like they hate their job, their boyfriend just dumped them, etc. It sounds absolutely horrible, but here I was going into a dinner date with them envious of how great I thought their life was, only to find out they’re struggling just like me or even more! I hate to even “praise” or “get excited” over their issues, but it makes ME feel better. I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it all together.

I hate that. If we didn’t skew our social media pages to only show our best pictures or coolest vacations, maybe we wouldn’t all secretly envy each other. Maybe, we wouldn’t feel so bad about ourselves if we knew the insta model we follow is busting her butt working three jobs just to maintain this “fun” lifestyle she shows us! Or maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here right now scarfing a grapefruit down because I so badly want to look like Blake Lively or my thin neighbor who posts her daily workouts and eat a breakfast that I actually enjoy!

God designed each and every one of us to be special in our own ways. We each have our own talents and set of skills that set us apart. We each are passionate about different things. Social media isn’t going anywhere and although I’d love to say I’ll start posting ugly pictures of myself just to prove a point, I probably won’t. But maybe what we can start doing for ourselves is letting go of the jealousy we feel. Maybe we can start being happy for those who share the good news on social media and recognize the greatness of our own and stop comparing. Maybe we can try letting go of the power social media has over us and learn to accept our bodies, our strengths, and skills and find praise in that alone! I’m not saying to stop following the pages that inspire and motivate you or get rid of all social media. What I’m saying is don’t let social media bring you negativity. Know that we are all going through something whether we post about it or not, no one has a perfect life. Life is what you make it, and staying positive will have a huge effect on yourself! Easier said than done, but we can all give it our best try!

Episode 12: Following Your Heart and Passions Even When It Seems Impossible with Danielle Miller

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Danielle entered her twenties like a lot of us, escaping the high school version of ourselves and growing into the women we set out to be. Through college and switching degrees to casual dating and a quick engagement; she discovered who she was and where she wanted to be. Listen as she shares the story of her passion for marketing, homes, and writing to something a little more personal like the hole in her heart. She is a miracle baby living life to the fullest and never allowing her limitations to create fear or keep her from enjoying the things she loves. She’s now faced with a tough decision about her future because life is not always easy, but her faith in God and love of supporting others keeps her in positive spirits. I am thankful to have connected with her as she grows her side hustle. I am amazed by this lady and so happy she shared. Take a listen and I hope you enjoy! Happy Memorial Day!